5 items women should buy to feel safer
The main reason I turned down buying one condo
My (prior) co-worker stared at me blankly when I told him the primary reason I turned down one of my top three condo choices.
“Bushes,” he repeated. “Seriously? Bushes!”
I shrugged. I didn’t care if he agreed or understood. My reasons are my reasons. When I was coming home from kindergarten one evening, two guys in their late teens or early 20s ran out of a set of bushes and tried to snatch my mother’s purse.
My mother, who I’d never known to be a fighter (minus a funny childhood story about her clocking a girl over the head with an apple for picking on her) was not giving up that purse. I watched her fight both men, trying to keep her purse. It became a game of tug of war, with those two clearly not being ready for the challenge.
Eventually, they did get her purse (but not the handles) and she shouted super loud, “They stole my purse!”
In shock, I watched this all unfold, not quite comprehending whether this was some kind of adult game of tag and whether they were going to bring her purse back. From the look on my mother’s face, she was not in on the game.
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Although my mother is still surprised that I remember what happened in such vivid detail, I still have an issue with bushes. When I walk by a large set of bushes, especially if my ready-to-fight/slaps-rats-on-the-head dog is not with me, my hand is not empty. (Junee can sniff out more live animals, dead animals and random people walking too close from a block away. And my mother’s dog, Jackie, is a little more combative. She walks backwards and barks. They make a good team.)
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I wish I could say that was the only time I ever felt violated like that. Not so much. My childhood home was burglarized twice, and I was the one to see this happen twice by myself. The first time, I was with a friend who was talking to me as I opened the door. She told me to turn around and I was stunned to see couches flipped over. And the second time, I thought it was a joke after my older brother pranked me by flipping over a couch. (Still not funny. I still think that was an idiotic prank to play on a little girl, but brothers will be tone deaf sometimes.)
What I admire about my parents is they refused to back down. They’d bought this home, gotten a mortgage and would not be scared out of the neighborhood. My mother still walked those same blocks. I still went to the same kindergarten. And my parents still live in that same house decades later. What they did do was get a dog, a gate and an alarm system. I don’t know which of the three made sure there was no third incident, but we had no further problems. (We are also 99.9% sure who burglarized our home, two mischievous grandsons of a neighbor. When those two went to jail, our neighborhood felt like one long episode of “The Cosby Show” and became the middle-class, peaceful neighborhood it used to be.)
I ain’t a killa, but don’t push me
When I got off my flight and stopped at my parents’ house for a visit, one of the first things my father said was, “Who in their right mind gave you shooting lessons?” The answer: My godfather.
I laughed and showed him my paper target. I’m in a family full of veterans who are no stranger to loading and unloading. My grandfather, my godfather and a couple cousins were in the Air Force and the army. Then, there are some relatives who learned on their own. I was curious how to safely operate a weapon — without any desire to own one at the time.
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Additionally, my father took me and my mother to a self-defense class. On my own, I took a kickboxing class. Then, my brother was obsessed with flea market gadgets for women to protect themselves. Every time he’d go, he’d bring back something random for my mother, his wife and me. Damsel in distress, be damned.
Still, with all this knowledge under my belt, I refused to buy a condo that had too many bushes in the front yard. Sometimes it doesn’t matter what you learn or how much tougher you think you are. There are memories that just never go away. (I still can’t quite explain why I have zero fear of burglars but freeze at bushes. You would think it’d work the other way around.)
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Never underestimate your opponent
I think women should be able to take care of themselves for a couple reasons: 1) Men are not immortal. 2) Women may not be around men who can protect them at all times. 3) Like my parents, I refuse to be shaking in my boots if someone challenges me to fight or defend myself. 4) People who are underestimated more often than not end up teaching someone a lesson they didn’t want to learn.
I still remember the day I locked myself out of my grandfather’s home and the key got stuck in the gate. My father came over to help me get in. I wondered what was he going to do without a spare key. Before I could blink, my father (who is in his 60s) scaled the gate — with spikes on the top. Never in my life did I think my father was Jason Bourne, and yet, here he was jumping over gates like he was in somebody’s action movie.
The only thing that could top that was another time he climbed into my grandfather’s back porch window (before any of us had a spare key). Before my father could get his other leg in, he was looking at the barrel of a gun — from my grandfather, the veteran, who was in his 90s but damn sure remembered everything from his 20s.
It took my grandfather hearing his son’s voice before he realized his worried child was not an attacker — and that my grandfather finally admitted he needed a hearing aide. If you needed any more proof of why I don’t shake in my boots when challenged, these are the men who raised me.
Everyone doesn’t want to own a gun, but everyone wants to feel safe
Like any human being, we can all be tested and we won’t win every fight. It’s OK to be cautious. It’s also OK to feel protected. Here are five things I think every woman should keep in her possession at all times — especially those who are not comfortable being gun owners but want a fighting chance to escape harm.
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Why? It’s loud enough to grab attention from up to 600 feet away.
Why? From camping to gardening to everyday use, (minus getting suspended) being a Girl Scout has made this come in handy for a little bit of everything.
Why? It conveniently blends in with other keys but doesn’t require you to get a handle on a bunch of keys at once for self-defense.
Why? Pepper spray gives you a chance to run away without having to fight and is legal (with some restrictions).
Why? While stun guns are not legal in every state (ex. Chicago), in locations where they are, this is also a useful way to stop someone from attack and run to safety.
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